Lots has changed here recently and I have for the most part been keeping it hidden.The main thing being that I am not with Greg anymore.I mean,yeh,for now I am living with him, but I am in the process now of getting my own apartment.We are still getting along.He is still my best friend.We have just become so different that we have pretty much nothing in common anymore.We grew apart and not together. I am finally okay with that. What I will not be okay with however is the first girl that hurts him or my kids I will kill. No lie. Everyone thought I was protective as his girlfriend. Think again,because noone is gonna be breaking his heart or hurting him without me intervening. HE IS STILL THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME aside from our children. He will always be a part of my life and thats just how it is gonna be DEAL WITH IT. He has been there for me when my parenst stabbed me in the back and tried to take me kids from me. He was there for me when everyone else seemed to go the other way. I mean hell,he is helping me buy a couch and tv for my apartment. How many people can say that about their ex's/babies daddy. We aren't going to court over anything. I don't want child support and I don't think it would be fair for me to have the kids anymore than he does. He loves them JUST as much as I do. He is one of the best dads I have ever seen. Way better than my dad was I can tell you that. I got pregnant and Greg stopped everything. The drugs..the spending all his money on all that stupid shit.And he got his ass up and got a job..immediately.Yeh,he may only work at North End Market now but damnit he is supporting his kids with that job. So for those of you that think we were "handed everything we have" yeh,think again. Maybe my car did come from a settlement from a wreck that I had and maybe his mom did give us our couch but come on now.Have you looked in our apartment.We have nicer things then most people with houses do.Thats because we have worked for them. Bottom line..He is amazing. Yeh,yeh,sounds like I'm in love with the kid,right. Well,I am. We are just adult enough to realize that things aren't working out and that it's not good for our kids to hear us argue all the time. Basically what I am saying is if there is anyone out there who doesn't mind kids...or to have a short red headed boyfriend.haha,he is AMAZING!

On to other things..I don't know what I am doing with my life.Everything has just changed so quickly.I know I want to go to beauty school next fall.I can't find something that I like or can stand to do until then tho.I just hate WORKING. Nothing around here is worth a shit and I'm getting tired of it quick. I have an interview with Aflac today. Wish me luck. It will be pretty good money believe it or not and I won't be doing much but sitting on my ass all day. I mean,it is an insurance agency. Greg and my kids seem to be the only people that I can fully 100% rely on. Don't take it personally. Just some of the things that have happened this past year has left me cold hearted sort of. But,if I love you you know it and you know I would do anything under the sun for you.

I turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. It was pretty crazy,right Erica. Haha,we really aren't slutty or sleezy everything we have been saying is a complete and total joke.Do we forget what it's like to have a good time and joke around now?! Because I don't. And I love Erica and she loves me. Haha,you would think we were married honestly. We are pretty LOUD and crazy when we are together. But,neither of us need help with being loud in the first place.

I am finally at a point now that I am starting to be happy with myself.Yeh, I may not be a size 5 anymore but damn you I look pretty good for having 2 kids so closely together and it not being that long ago.I am kinda starting to go back to my old self. That is both good any bad. Good because I am happy with me and don't care what anyone has to say about me and bad for the same reasons pretty much. I'm either a love me or hate me type of person. I am tired of trying to please everyone else. Its time to please my kids and then myself. I saw a quote the other day and basically..it fits me to a t. It said... "Bitch? Yeh, slightly. I just don't know how to say FUCK YOU politely."

On another note tonight is trick or treat. We are taking the kids to vienna because we have off tonight.It is gonna be freeeeeezing. Jordan is being Jack from Pirates Of The Carribbean and Aaralyn is being a little purple unicorn.I'll take pictures I promise.

I'm done writing in this thing but remember what I said. If you are looking for a good guy and don't mind kids or short red headed people..I KNOW A GUY FOR YOU! And also remember if you break his heart I will break your face!

aaaaaahahahahahahah shut up

http://blog.myspace.com/acruelcontradiction

don't wanna copy and paste so go there....comment wherever.

aaralyn is sick.she is really congested and her nose is extremely stuffed up and she can barely breathe.it seems like i am using that horrid bulb syringe on her ever 5 minutes just so the little thing can breathe a LITTLE bit.jordan got a yeast infection on his butt...he gets them every time he takes an antibiotic..fun!i had to have his doctor call him in some nystatin yesterday.its getting a little bit better.speaking of yeast infections...aaralyn also has thrush which is,as nasty as it sounds, as yeast infection of the mouth.which in turn means i have a yeast infection on my nipples now and am having to use nystatin on my nipples also.she takes liquid nystatin.lord,whoever invented this stuff is making big bucks off my family.lol.

on to better things..aaralyn is sitting up really well now.not completely on her own but she doesn't have to be supported really.as a matter of fact she is on my lap right now and i am typing with both hands.something i almost forgot how to do,haha.she squeals and laughs now.the laughs aren't real common but she coughs for attention now also.i love it.she is growing up wayyyyy to fast tho.

i took jordan out the other day to play in the leaves for the first time.my grandpa was raking up his leaves and jordan and my little cousins played in them for over an hour.he loooved it.i actually have video of it that im gonna try to learn to upload onto myspace.he would take his big dump truck,fill it with leaves,and go dump them out somewhere else.ADORABLE.its hard to believe he is 20 months old..wow.

its almost christmas time also.this year i am a little depressed.no job..why,because noone will hire me and work around my parents school schedule so that i can definitely have a babysitter and choices denied me because i haven't had a court date or anything with greg yet.like that fucking matters,but whatever.

i got my acceptance letter to wscc in the mail.i'm movin on up.lol,this means im actually doing something with my life to better my childrens future.i have to go take my placement test on the 6th and i have to go talk to the daycare up there and yadda yadda.get their shot records...any of you with kids know the drill.it is gonna KILL me to leave aaralyn being so young.i don't want to leave jordan either but he is older.aaralyn cries constantly still and im just afraid that whoever has to watch her won't have the patience.i see all these scary things on the news and of course i worry.

speaking of her crying..she is crying now soooo i am gonna have to quit typing this and tend to her.

I took Jordan to get his FIRST pumpkin.

I loooooooooooove being a mom!